Stress Fest

I now am halfway through an epic episode of high stress levels, although the good news is that the hard half is finished, and there should be a substantial payoff to be taken from the second half.

As mentioned a couple of weeks ago, I am going away to see my extended family (the "B[redacted] Clan" as we are known internally, though some members, by virtue of being members by marriage not birth, use a different name to refer to us). This will be from tomorrow (21st) and I get home on the 31st, so ten days - although only 7 of those will involve large numbers of people, the first 2 and last 1 will be just my parents and me. Still, as much as I love and enjoy being with my family, lots of people for 7 days at a time is going to be HEAVY stress load.

Not to mention the run-up to going away for that long, and the organisation to make sure I have enough clean clothes to take with me and to come home to.

However, that would normally only be a few days at most. What really made this the epic stress period in the run-up as well, is that I had to go to London for a job interview, too.

This is the pic I uploaded to Tumblr, which shows the starship landing clamps outside the building where I went for the job interview, with a landed flying saucer in the background. (Or, if you prefer, disused docking cranes and the Millennium Dome - but I think my version is more fun, so I'm saying that that's the real truth :-P )

The interview was to work on the Olympic Games in 2012, which even though it would probably be a basic customer service/admin role, it could be those things in terms of, for instance, making sure athletes get on the right bus to go to the right venue at the right time t take part in their event (kind of important, when you think about it!)

Travelling to an interview involves planning to make sure I have all the necessary paperwork (for instance, proof of ID and eligibility to work in the UK), that I know the timetables and how to get there on time - and then actually doing so! Making sure I have a freshly ironed shirt, and so on. Travelling to London, even more so on the travel arrangements; and also, making sure I have enough money to get there. Because it's a £20 round trip, and I get about £67.50 a week to live on (JSA), I also had to find out if I could get my travel expenses refunded. The London Organising Committee of the Olympic and Paralympic Games weren't going to refund costs (although if I get the job, they will reimburse travel costs for doing the work). So that meant going to the Jobcentre, who told me that I have to go to the RBLI folks who currently run my "Work Programme" (which comprises of advice on how to get back into work, mostly).

All of which interfered with my steady progress towards getting ready to go away for a family break.

Meaning that right now, I am wasting time typing about all this stress instead of doing any of the jobs that I need to get done today in order to be able to pick up my stuff tomorrow and go.

I am experiencing some of the uncomfortable physical symptoms of stress, with aching muscles (particularly my shoulders and upper back) and tensed hands and fidget-y feet and buttocks as no position feels properly comfortable. Julie Fast's book "Get It Done When you're Depressed" says to expect these symptoms and I do, and I know what they mean. Doesn't mean they'll go away just by knowing what they are! Typing, at least, keeps my fingers busy and the requirement of quite smooth movements to shift from one key to the next is helping to relax them a little. Soon, I will be going to the shop to get last-minute supplies, and hopefully that will have a similar effect on my feet, legs and buttocks.

But the worst thing is, just being ready and getting going will not be an end to the stress. As mentioned, there will be an ongoing payoff from the stress that s still to come, but it will still be there - I don't really expect much relief from the symptoms in the near future. The most relaxed I will be will be on the trains as I head up to my parents' home, and that's assuming the trains are running on time and don't have any problems.

The good news is: the last few years, I couldn't even have contemplated attempting attending one of these family Christmas gatherings. The fact that I'm here and undergoing all this stress is actually a measure of how well I'm doing generally in coping with depression and stress and so on.

It is also a measure of how much I enjoy my family's company that I think the stress is probably worth it, and I haven't bugged out and decided to stay here instead.

On the other hand, I will soooo be looking forward to getting home again and spending New Year's Eve and New Year nicely, quietly, and on my own. NYE parties? Always sound like a complete nightmare to me!