Able-'splaining "lame", and my most recent attempt to deal with it

I regularly read a blog called 21st Century Relationships, the author of which I encountered during my researches of PUA/SC advice, the experiments with which, I chronicle on this blog.

On a post discussing how far one should question to oneself, one's own dating preferences (tangentially related to these issues), the following throwaway line appeared in one person's comment:

I'm also less likely to date someone who lives in the suburbs (of my town, anyway, this doesn't always apply in other cities) because my experience is that suburban guys are really lame.

To confuse the matter, there were other remarks about this person's preference against dating people who actually have disabilities.

I decided to weigh in.

Here's what I said:

do you genuinely find that suburban guys have great difficulty in walking? It's hard to tell, since you're also negative about people with other disabilities as potential dates, but I would think it statistically unlikely. I do hope you weren't using an ableist slur!

The TAB-Ablesplainer came back with:

I have nothing against people with disabilities. But I would not date one. It's not my thing, and I think that's OK. Why lie? It's not their fault and it's a crappy deal for them. I am sympathetic, just not attracted.

Which is fair enough, but missed the point of my remark completely, necessitating that I make it clear that I was objecting to the use of "lame" as a pejorative.

TAB-A responded as follows:

Lame:
1. crippled or physically disabled, especially in the foot or leg so as to limp or walk with difficulty.
2. impaired or disabled through defect or injury: a lame arm.
3. weak; inadequate; unsatisfactory; clumsy: a lame excuse.
4. Slang . out of touch with modern fads or trends; unsophisticated.

I meant number 4. I should have used the word "boring" or "unsophisticated". It was a quick comment, I didn't edit it for content, and I only use the word "lame" as in the above-referenced number 4. I've never in my life referred to a human as "lame" in any other sense of the word.

Which is only different in scale, and not in kind, from the horrible, horrible "comedy" stand-up routine described @ Womanist Musings recently (I haven't watched the video, but I read the transcript there and - urgh!)

I shall leave you all with my (hopefully) final comment on this matter @ 21st Century Relationships, as my final remarks in this post:

Definitions 3 and 4 are using "lame" as a derogatory term, and are discriminatory language against people with disabilities. Just because you can find the N-word in the dictionary, doesn't mean it's okay to use it. If you found the derogatory usage of "gay" to mean "boring or uncool" (as opposed to "homosexual") in a dictionary, would you be comfortable using that, too? Or would you understand that as homophobic and discriminatory language? While we're at it, the same principle goes for people with mental disabilities and the term "retarded", too.

You're quite right when you say, 'I should have used the word "boring" or "unsophisticated".' All I would ask is that you remember to do so in future. That's the whole point of my making an issue out of it.

EDIT TO ADD: The owner of the blog, Nathan, has created a new post to discuss these language issues, and I think he gets it pretty well. Sadly, the commenter who was ablesplaining still doesn't, and I don't have the spoons to keep this up much longer.