Don't you dare to fix me

This is a post that has been sitting at the back of my mind for the last two or three years.

There was a time when I thought that Coldplay's "Fix You" was a really romantic and moving song about being supportive of someone you love in hard times. But as I went through some hard times myself, my feelings towards the sentiments in the song changed. It stopped being romantic and became controlling, and invasive. Discussions with some of my friends online talked about some of these feelings and helped to crystalise the problems I was starting to have with the song.

Here's the official video on youtube (lyrics available here):



I am not an undamaged person. I am, for want of a better word, broken in various ways. Most people have struggles, experience pain or suffering, difficulties, in their lives, and these leave their marks on us. Those marks become a part of who we are and they don't need fixing.

More, there's a strong feeling that I have, at least, that I want to face the hard times in my own way, on my own terms, and I want to win. I do not want someone shielding me, trying to "fix" me, I want to fight it and make my own decisions in that fight. If it turns out I need to retreat or call for back-up, then you can come and help. But if all I need is someone to listen as I recount the latest bloody battle in the war, then I need you to stay out of the fight for the time being. I have had to use help of various kinds: medication sometimes, talking about things at others, but always I have had to be the one who says "This is what I need". Anything else feels like defeat, feels like losing, feels like giving in. And that in itself does damage.

So Coldplay's lyrics became about taking control away and assuming that a damaged or hurt person needs fixing in the first place, regardless of how they might feel about it.

And slowly, a parody version - a retort, indeed, began to form in my head, trying to express these feelings that fixing me is unwelcome, unnecessary and invasive. It also captured the feeling that very often it is about something the "fixer" wants to feel good about themselves rather than what the "fixee" needs.

In my head, this is loud guitars, and screaming, angry vocals.

Well, I tried my best but I won't succeed
Cos you give what you want, but not what I need
When I feel so tired but I can't sleep,
You make it worse

Now the tears come streaming down my face
Cos you took something I can't replace
And you love someone and it goes to waste,
You make it hurt.


Life may turn to stone
And may break my bones
But don't you DARE
To fix me.


And high up above or down below
You were too in love to let me go
But if you never try, we'll never know
Just what I'm worth.


Life may turn to stone
And may break break my bones
But don't you DARE
To fix me.


Tears stream
Down my face
When you take things that I cannot replace

Tears stream
Down my face
But I...

Tears stream
Down my face
I promise you I can work it out at my pace

Tears stream
Down my face
But you...

Life may turn to stone
And may break my bones
But don't you DARE
To fix me.

I can live with being broken and held together with duct tape - I have been for most of my life, after all. I can't live with being fixed (by someone else). So please, nobody, ever, dare to try to fix me.