On the bumpy road of writing

Regular readers here will know that I am slowly but surely working my way through writing a SF/F serial called "Cyborg Sleeps", which is basically appearing as a first draft published straight to the blog. I like the ideas in the story but I am not attached enough to think it worth polishing and trying to sell, so you just get to see the world as it springs into being.

However, I also have another novel on the go (I think Cyborg Sleeps will be novel-length even if I don't treat it as a novel per se in terms of doing a proper job of writing it). This other novel (working title "Not To Choose") is intended to be a Serious Work of Fiction, and I dream of it one day being published. It has been on the back burner for a year or more, but in reading through the writers' tips at the Erotic Readers & Writers Association (particularly those by Louisa Burton and Donna George Storey) has stirred my juices and reminded me that I do actually want to finish this thing some day, and to do that I need to write something today (and tomorrow, and the day after that, and so on...).

So right now, I want to talk a few things more or less at random, some inspired by what I've read elsewhere and some just musing on my own approach to writing.

One of them (mentioned by Storey in particular) is unruly characters. These are characters whom you create, give a storyline to follow and then you put them into your scene and they do something different from what you expected or planned.

For instance, Asira Y in Cyborg Sleeps was supposed to make friends with Bena Wainwright when Bena came to visit her in the hospital bed (potential TW, I guess, for discussion of sexual assault, although I didn't put one on the post when I wrote it originally). But I realised as I wrote the scene that actually, Asira was not going to play ball. She was going to be rude, dismissive and offensive. That was not the direction the story was supposed to go and I have spent a lot of the following segments working the two of them back around so that they can be friends and follow the damn story plan! As it happens, I think that probably makes for a better story overall, what with it meaning I have to work in more depth on the characters and their development arc. (It does mean I have lost Bena's original motivation for seeking the friendship, though).

In "Not To Choose", however, something rather more awkward has happened, because my characters between them jumped ahead a couple of chapters. As I was reaching the end of a scene I suddenly saw that the two of them at that moment were going to go right ahead and take the step that was not supposed to happen yet (and no, it was not jumping into bed with each other). That meant that the next scene was how that came about. As it happened, it was not going all the way that I had planned for the scene to do when it turned up later, but it means that the plot has moved along further and it feels like there's a bit of slack left over because other stuff was supposed to develop in the meantime. It makes the next "natural" progression in the plot harder for me to figure out because the pieces aren't in quite the right order any more.

Characters can be awkward beggars when they do their own thing! But it is also rather gratifying when they come to life, because it feels like I have actually created something and not merely narrated it.

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One thing that bothers me a little about my writing style is that I find a lot of plot happens inside people's heads. For example, in the aftermath of the contretemps between Bena and Asira mentioned above, a lot of the new plot line I devised to work them back round to each other involved them processing the event in their individual ways, and then new events are causing them to reflect on it further until they eventually come around to see the other's point of view and, while tension still exists, they choose to be friends after all.

I think I write that way because it is how I experience life in general, the way my internal monologue works. It sometimes feels like I do so much more when I am on my own and in my own head, and then I come back to the next interactions with people with a new perspective. So my characters sometimes do the same, sitting and thinking about stuff, mulling it over and coming to a new realisation that progresses their story arc and the overall plot. I don't know how to "show" that. To me, it would make no sense just to have weird about-faces or whatever with no explanation, but if I concentrated on external events then I have no idea how else it could appear!

In "Not To Choose", I have actually started out writing it in a sort of "Dual 1st Person" point of view, switching between the two main characters so that I can explain what's going on in their heads (this was inspired in part by the style of Dave Gorman's book, "Are You Dave Gorman?", co-written with his friend). A good friend who has some experience with critical reading of manuscripts pointed out that in "Not To Choose", I was effectively using it as a cheat to tell rather than show. I am sticking with the weird POV for the time being, and calling this my "Discovery Draft" in which I try to ride in the heads of my characters to see what is going on for them as the events unfold. That way, when I write the proper draft I can write it in 3rd Person but I'll know what's going on well enough to show instead of tell (that's the hope anyway - I think I can already see how it will work on some scenes).

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As already hinted, I like to have some idea of where I'm going with my story before I set out. I am by nature more what Burton calls a "Pre-planner" than not (evidence is there in the floor plans of the central characters' home in Not To Choose, for example!) I know where all the little bits of Cyborg Sleeps are leading, how they will end up coming together and what I want to happen when they do. Everything that has happened so far in that story (including in the bits I have written but not yet posted) happens for a reason that builds towards the grand finale. Likewise, in Not To Choose I know at each point where I need to be heading next (although I am not always certain how I am going to get there - and since my characters just took a short-cut I may need to revise the map somewhat!)

The annoying thing is that sometimes there are bits I want to get to ahead of time. Storey wrote about doing it that way (also where I got the term "Discovery Draft" for my initial version of Not To Choose), but I lack the confidence to try that. I always feel as though I am going to trip myself up because something unexpected might have happened on my way up to that point and then the wonderful scene I wrote will have to be totally trashed and redone in the edit/redraft stage to make it all fit, and then I will be sad. There are at least three scenes of this nature in Not To Choose, and a couple in Cyborg Sleeps, but in each case crucial details will depend on stuff that has to unfold before then, and I don't want to have to force stuff together with a crowbar and mangle it all. After all, if my characters suddenly jump ahead a chapter or two all on their own, who knows what other deviations they may introduce that readjust the basis of the critical scenes? Besides, I treat it as motivation to get through the other bits and make those as exciting as possible so I'm really ready to go at it when the big moments arrive!

Of course, it doesn't always work that way. In the erotic D/s story I posted at (NSFW & TW for BDSM, violent sex and suchlike words and images) And You Thought I Was Sweet, "Switching Her Gift", I started with what I thought was a simple idea and no plan at all, but the arc and the ideas just kept coming and it snowballed into an 11k+ not-so-short story.

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One thing I have often felt is that I think I am not cruel enough to be a good writer. Stories work because of conflict and tension, and that means ultimately, because someone is not happy. But I like my characters and I want them to be happy. I don't want to put them through horrible crises. Having said that, the stuff I have already done to Asira was pretty horrible. Maybe it means I'm getting better? Or maybe I just hadn't grown attached to her enough at that stage of writing.

I already know that I am going to have some terrible wrenches when I get to certain points in Not To Choose because for the story to work, I have to be very nasty indeed (oddly, one of those points is also one of the points that I really want to get to quickly).

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So there you have it, some random rambling thoughts about the writings that I am concocting at the moment.