99% of the way...

(I was already planning on writing about this, but Clarisse Thorn's recent post at Feminists with FSD about difficulty achieving orgasm seems thematically linked so I thought I'd hat-tip in that direction anyway)

Sex with SNS (who will soon have to lose both "sweet" and "newbie", to be replaced by equally great and fun terms "slutty" and "norty" - both of which used here in a very POSITIVE sense) has been great so far, with one minor drawback. Neither of us has been able to achieve orgasm through stimulation by the other person's body.

We have both got close - oh, so delightfully, exquisitely, but frustratingly close! - but getting over the final hurdle has never happened. We've talked about it and there's a number of reasons why this might be (for example, SNS is on SSRIs at the moment for a start, which makes reaching orgasm much harder, as I know from my personal experience with SSRIs) but basically, our bodies are flippin' awkward.

And when it comes to traditional PiV sex, it's been even less of a probability that I would orgasm, it seems. In fact, I have a somewhat low percentage performance in terms of my own sexual gratification through PiV sex in general. As things stand, I have had at most one orgasm from PiV and even then I suspect it wasn't the real deal. I kind of felt a faint tremor, and felt as though I had already cum, but checking the condom afterwards there didn't seem to much - if any - semen there, and it certainly wasn't the wonderful satisfying feeling of a full-blown orgasm (I have had orgasms that weren't - that were just the faint tremor described above - when wanking, but it doesn't seem likely this was one of those). I said it was an orgasm (or, literally, I said "I think so!") because I was worried that my partner at the time would take it as a reflection on her if I didn't.

So really, PiV is NOT a big deal for me, it just doesn't quite "work" the way sex is "supposed" to. I have always found oral and anal to be much more stimulating physically (so, not from a mental point of view, not from some Patriarchal humiliate-oppress-hate point of view!) and always get at least closer to orgasm with those forms of fucking than I do with PiV. In fact, I've sometimes found that I would gradually lose my erection while PiV fucking, which is frustrating for all concerned!

Of course, we're both deeply BDSM-kinky, which has an impact on how we experience sexuality (and yes, "impact" here has a double meaning!) and shapes our needs. SNS is very comfortable with the role of Submissive (despite her feminism!) but tells me that she is still getting used to the idea that it's okay to want someone to hurt you during sex - she is struggling with the identity of herself as masochist. I say that if every time she gets very aroused she starts begging me to hurt her, flog her, beat her tits with a crop or whatever, then she's probably a masochist. But I can understand why it's a problem to cross that bridge and accept the term. We are socialised towards vanilla PiV sex even before we start to learn about sex and sexuality. SNS says that it seems so strange to her to want these things and to accept she wants them, but of course it is only "strange" relative to the standard narrative of heterosexual vanilla sexuality that is still mostly what we are presented in the mainstream (although we do see some playful bondage and light spanking described as a way to "spice things up" these days).

Obviously, (since PiV has been a bit of a struggle for me, and for SNS and me specifically) we've tended to focus on masturbating her to bring her to orgasm (we've both had goes at it). And, she's come close - at times she sounded just like other partners have when they've actually cum, and she was just on her way up! But just like me, actually getting all the way has just somehow not happened for her. I'm still learning my way around her body and her responses, what works well for her and so on (she's certainly helping me along the way to figure stuff out). And it is a huge turn-on to see her respond to my touch, my fingers up her, and whatever I'm doing to her sexually! So, we make progress each time and each time hoping that the next leap will be... the leap home (no, wait - that's Dr Sam Beckett...) [reset brain!] Each time hoping that the next time, we'll get her all the way there. At the moment, though, it seems that we use our memories of what we did together and cum on our own afterwards!

There's no doubt that we are finding what we are doing together very enjoyable, even if we aren't climaxing from one another's touch (incidentally, SNS has the nicest hands - I've rarely enjoyed someone else's hand on my penis, but hers I do like there). I know that I enjoy the sexual feelings immensely, and I trust SNS when she says she is having great times with me and enjoying those feelings as well.