"Pervert!"

Quiet Riot Girl has launched a collaborative writing project with the aim of "us[ing] erotica, porn, theory, opinion and educational writing to explore the darker sides of our libidos, and to examine some of the complex issues that emerge from our sexualities."

So far, so fabulous, count me in! Sounds like my sort of deal!

The trouble is the name she's given it, which is "Games Perverts Play". Specifically the middle word.

I know that there are some kinky people who are absolutely okay with self-identifying as "perverts", but to be honest I wish they wouldn't. I certainly cannot feel okay with that term applied to myself, and I don't really feel comfortable with it being applied to people who are part of the same kinky groups as I am (even if they do it themselves). I have been tolerant, in general, and not objected when others have grouped me as "perverts like us", assuming that I'm hip and trendy like them, but it still bothered me deep down.

The basic derivation of the word (perversion/perverted/perverse) is from the Latin, meaning "wrongly turned". If I recall correctly, it was first used in the Middle Ages to refer to deviations from accepted Christian doctrine, such deviation being considered harmful to the soul of the deviant thinker.

I forget from my reading when exactly the term became predominantly associated with sexuality (it still has other uses, such as "perverting the course of justice") but the fundamental meaning remains associated with wrongness: my Chambers Dictionary (1993 edition) lists among the definitions of "perverse": "turned aside from right or truth", "wrong-headed", "deliberately wicked".

"Perversion" has definitions listed, "the act or process of perverting", "the condition of being perverted", "a turning from what is right or true", "a distortion", "a pathological deviation of sexual instinct". Pathological means "caused by disease" or, in loose terms, "compulsive".

A "pervert" is "someone whose sexual instinct is perverted". To be perverted is to be "corrupt", to be "turned from the right course", to be "turned from truth or virtue". (Note the sexual definition under "perversion" - "deviation" means literally "(turned) off the way"; to be perverted is to be "turned wrongly".)

From its etymological origins to its current use, "pervert" means, and has always meant, "wrong and wicked", or even, "sick".

Of course, what it means to say that someone's sexual instinct is "corrupt, turned from truth, virtue or 'the right course'" varies depending on one's perspective. There are still plenty of people who define homosexuality as perverted, that LGBTQ folks are "corrupt" and their sexuality is "turned from truth, virtue or the 'right course'". These are the people who want to see homosexuality eradicated, either by force or by persuasion - they want to "cure" homosexuals of their perversion by persuading them back onto the "right path". TrinityVA had a post some time ago now that described a similar approach trying to cure her of her sadist/Dominant sexuality.

In the modern press, "pervert" is reserved for "people whose sexuality we don't like": most obviously, paedophiles. While I am loath to make judgements about others' sexuality, I would certainly say that the sexual actions of those who commit sexual acts on children are corrupt, turned from truth or virtue, and I would go so far as to say "deliberately wicked" (from the definitions of "perverse"). So paedophiles are people I would describe as perverts.

But the modern press doesn't just use it for paedophiles: a search for "pervert" on Google News this afternoon returned recent stories about child rapists, yes, but also flashers, a 55yr old man who masturbated while trampolining naked at 5am, a rapist (incidentally - good to see that a sex worker got justice in that case!), and an underwear fetishist (who had broken into a woman's home to seek gratification on her underwear). Modifying the search it becomes apparent that to the press, kinky people they like (or haven't made up their minds about) are, well, "kinky" but if they don't like them then they are "perverts". It does also look as though there has been a trend towards not describing BDSM as "perverts" (in the UK, only one particular case in the last couple of years, the Sun outing someone in the intelligence services) and sticking with "kinky" instead. As BDSM and fetish have become more accepted, the use of the term "pervert" to describe practitioners has diminished, just as it did as homosexuality became more accepted.

"Pervert" is a hate term. It is the term for those whose sexuality is beyond the pale and unacceptable. That's how I have always experienced the term, and it's how the term has affected me in my journey to understand and own my sexuality.

It is a term that explicitly groups those labelled by it in the same category as child molesters, rapists, bestiality, flashers, and others who commit sexual assaults on people or animals who cannot/have not given their consent. (I'm not sure where the wanking trampolinist fits in with that, but anyway...)

Is my sexuality deviant? Well, in that it follows a different path from the majority, then yes. But is it turned wrongly? I would say, "absolutely not!" My sexuality is what is right for me. I am not turned away from virtue: my ethical convictions and my various virtues that I have are in fact an integral part of how I express my sexuality and in some ways even grow and develop through my involvement in BDSM. My sexuality is not "turned away from truth" - indeed, those who would label kinky folks "perverts" are the ones seeking to turn me away from being true! And in turn, that demonstrates that for me, my kinks are by definition the right course for me. I do no harm, I am not "deliberately wicked". My sexuality is dark and twisted, and as such has "complex issues" because it does not fit neatly into society, but it is not wrong.

I can't identify as "pervert" without undergoing a great deal of suffering, without feeling unloved and unlovable, without feeling unworthy of anything except destruction. I have been to that place before, and it was far darker than anything in my sexuality. It was, indeed, a perversion. I won't go back there. It took me too long to get to the point where I could feel confident that my sexuality is not wrong.

So, much as I regret it, I can't join in with "Games Perverts Play". I know I'm not the only kinky person to have real difficulty with the term either, but the decision has been made.