Commonly used abbreviations:
G.B. = Greg Behrendt (author)
L.T. = Liz Tuccillo (author)
Chapter 6: …if he only wants to see you when he's drunk.
Like with ch. 5, I'm likely to be nodding in agreement on this one.
Then again, I have a vested interest in being sober around a woman I want to fuck, because of the whole bondage/S&M thing, where being drunk in charge of ropes, floggers etc can be REALLY dangerous – and if you're really into someone, you don't want to damage them (hurt them, yes – because that's the whole point of SM – but damage? Never!)
If he's got to be drunk to like you, then he obviously doesn't like the real you.
'But I like him this way':
My instant response – so he's not likeable when he's sober!? Then why the fuck would you want to be with him in a relationship? Ewww!
G.B. comments add up to: Just because he's showing affection while he's drunk, don't mistake it for the real thing. Yes it feels good to have attention and affection, but why settle for such a shitty knock-off version of it?
To which I just say: yes, absolutely!
'At least it's not the hard stuff':
Example given talks about 'pothead' boyfriend.
G.B. comment: "If he's off his head on pot [or indeed on alcohol, or anything else] it means he likes you more when there's less of you."
See my remarks in intro: "if he's got to be drunk [stoned] to like you…"
Chapter summary:
Life can be hard, if you're choosing someone to share yours with, find someone who's alert enough to deal with it – not someone who's drunk at the wheel!
Additional from G.B. – "If you happen to notice an increase in your drinking or smoking while with Mr Party Man, please be aware. This is not an 'if you can't beat it, get drunk with it' situation. Your getting drunk won't make him seem any less of a drinker."
To which I add – if you're having to medicate yourself in this way to be in his company: why do you think that is? Seems like it means his company isn't that great to be in, so you're better off finding someone you enjoy when you're sober.
L.T. – 'Why This One is Hard':
Alcohol factors a lot in beginning stages of dating: 1st kiss, 1st fuck, etc. Therefore, most relationships not get going without drink to calm nerves. Be clear on difference between calm nerves and substance abuse.
This is totally off my wavelength. I can barely cope with making first steps when sober, so with my brain suppressed by alcohol, where would I end up? Sure, the lowered inhibitions help when making a move, but you can bet heavily against it being any kind of GOOD move! So it's sober or nothing for me. I might enjoy a glass with someone I love just for a bit of playing around once I'm comfortable around her, but otherwise this is way off anything I recognise.
I want a first kiss, first fuck, etc to be deliberate and consciously chosen, not just some drunken accident.
L.T. – 'This is what it should look like':
Anecdote, guy who was addicted to pot, when he met the right woman, was able to cut it out entirely for her.
That's more-or-less the story of how my dad ended up quitting smoking tobacco.
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