Atheist nonsense: "The Abusive Boyfriend" myth

This is the first in a series of pieces I'm going to write in answer to some articles on a site called Conversational Atheist. (Found via Amber Rhea) I am writing these pieces because it feels like it might be a lot of fun for me to do so, not out of any particular "need" to do so. The fun comes from the fact that they are, in fact, intellectually stimulating arguments 9for the most part). This one, however, I think is just silly...

God: The Abusive Boyfriend

The atheist argument looks like this:

Ways the Christian God is like the most extreme version of an abusive (and possibly psychotic) boyfriend:

• Needs constant praise and makes you feel guilty for just being human.
• Has severe jealousy issues.
• He lets painful experiences happen to you that he could easily prevent, just to test your devotion to Him.
• Claims credit for everything good in your life; claims nothing bad in your life comes from Him.
• Threatens you with eternal torture if you ever leave Him.
• He is constantly swearing that He loves you and you need Him.

Ways to tell if you are in danger of being taken advantage of in a relationship with this abusive God:

• You are highly defensive of Him from even the slightest criticism of His flaws.
• You talk to Him every night, and He never responds yet still expects unwavering devotion.

I'll take this one point at a time, and where possible try to explain where the myth comes from.

"Needs constant praise and makes you feel guilty for just being human."

Two parts in this one. I don't know where "constant praise" comes from, unless it's talking about monastic communities? As far as I know, the only specific instruction is the 3rd Commandment, "Keep the Sabbath Day holy" - one day in 7 doesn't sound "constant" to me! As for "guilty for just being human", this is presumably referring to the doctrine of Original Sin, and the inherent fallibility of humans. If you have never done anything for which you have felt guilty, then maybe you don't understand this concept, but if you ever have done something for which you reasonably felt guilty, then you don't have a leg to stand on. The standard of perfection is impossible for anyone to achieve (not even Jesus himself, embodied as a man, was able to maintain perfection, and accepted rebukes from others occasionally!) Therefore, the message of the Christian God is actually, "As long as you understand your mistakes, you do not need to feel guilty about them".

Just don't tell that to the Catholics!

"Has severe jealousy issues."

Okay, you got a point on this one - if you're talking about the Jewish God. It is in the Ten Commandments, after all, that God says, "I am a jealous God". But the developed theology of the New Testament is somewhat different from this tribal view, and if you want a better analogy here, then it might be that YHWH is offended that people accredit to others the benefits that He(She/It/They - standard notation using male pronoun will be used hereafter) has achieved for them - rather like if you work like a dog to organise a party, and then your partner, who did nothing except set the table for dinner, gets given all the credit!

"He lets painful experiences happen to you that he could easily prevent, just to test your devotion to Him."

This appears to refer to the book of Job, in which the title character is tested by various torments because the Devil believes he can make Job renounce God. The book of Job is known to be allegorical, because the text is clearly written in two different hands, one much later than the other, with the later hand providing the opening and conclusion (source: NIV Study Bible accompanying notes). The book of Job is a very early theological study of the problem of the existence of evil in the world. Its treatment is far from complete or conclusive, but one interesting idea from the opening passage is that if bad things don't happen to good people, then all that means is that people can be bribed, which is not a good basis for a loving relationship!

Finally, the message of Job is simple: "We cannot know the workings of the mind of God; we must trust that what seems harmful is in fact for the best." And if you think that still sounds like an article of faith from an abusive relationship, then I would ask you to consider whetehr you would describe a surgeon as "abusive"? Or indeed, any person in a position of qualified or informed authority.

"Claims credit for everything good in your life; claims nothing bad in your life comes from Him."

This is a false claim about God, although it is a claim that some Christians will make about him. Both Job and Ecclesiastes speak of both the good and the bad that God sends; in a transverse version of this same point, Jesus Christ says He makes the sun to shine on the righteous and the unrighteous alike. In at least one of the Gospels, he admits that God causes the suffering of some of those whom he heals by miracles. This, in turn, resolves to another part of the Problem of Evil, which is mentioned above.

"Threatens you with eternal torture if you ever leave Him."

This notion is based on a misunderstanding of the nature of sin and of God. If you choose to stop eating, then eventually you will die of hunger. This is not a punishment for your decision, nor is it a "threat". it's just the way the world works. Similarly, if you put your hand into a flame, you will get burned. That's just the way the world works. In the same way, if you turn away from God and His love, then it is an unavoidable consequence due to the nature of reality that your soul will suffer. God's love is identified at times as being "food for the soul", and Jesus uses food analogies for the joys of Heaven on several occasions; the analogy between food for the body and food for the soul is clear. Cut yourself off from either, and suffering happens because of the nature of the body or the soul.

"He is constantly swearing that He loves you and you need Him."

On the other hand, those things could, y'know, actually be true? And that's why He says them?

"You are highly defensive of Him from even the slightest criticism of His flaws."

LOL

Erm, don't you know that the definition of God is that He has no flaws?

"You talk to Him every night, and He never responds yet still expects unwavering devotion."

That's me off the hook, then, because God has responded to me. Not to mention the saying "God answers all our prayers - but sometimes the answer is no". It is also not true that God expects unwavering devotion; in fact, scepticism and doubt are expected, because without them faith means nothing in the end.

::Here endeth the lesson::