I am awake against my will, and have been for about 4 hours now (since 2am).
I want to bed at 11pm, thinking I would get a nice, long sleep. Instead, I had a horrible nightmare that has left me disturbed and agitated.
It wasn't the horror-movie-in-your-sleep type of nightmare, but rather it keyed into my deepest anxieties and insecurities - things that I think have been with me since my childhood and teenage years, and things that I know feed (and fed) on my depression whenever it gets bad.
I don't want to go into all the details - except one bit, that was a bit strange and didn't have a lot to do with the plot: a weird creepy naked dude sneaked into my parents' flat (they don't live in a flat, but hey) when they left the door open and were having sex; I followed, and got yelled at for being selfish bursting in on them when they wanted privacy. I explained about my anxieties and only then pointed to the naked guy - then the dream shifted and went back to the other plot.
The dream's main plot keyed in on abandonment, helplessness, and having no home or shelter. The homelessness issue is more recent, but the odd thing is, right now, these are not issues I need to worry about. Right now, all those bad things are fixed and certainly not going to happen to me. And yet, my unconscious mind churned them up and forced me awake and disturbed and... so I don't know why.
So I am sat here, disturbed, agitated, and lacking of sleep.
Grrrrr.
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