Interlopin'

I've always seemed to find myself drawn into female-governed, or at least, female-populated spaces (the latter term, I mean to imply populated by more females than males, not merely that there are some females there!) It hasn't always been deliberate (on the other hand, sometimes it has been deliberate, and on the basis of them being female spaces) but the fact is, it happens. There may be some link (or not) with my rather complicated sense of gender identity, but I don't know that exploring the exact nature of that would yield any useful new information, so I'll avoid that particular navel-gazing exercise.

Instead, I'd like to talk about two instances in my life that stay particularly strongly in my mind, where I found myself to be in female-only environments (or, more accurately, environments in which I was the only male in a group).

The first situation is freshest in my memory because it is more recent. Technically there was one other male involved, but he was much less a part of the group.

About 5 years ago, I took an interest in women's football ('soccer' for those who prefer the term). As a participation sport, women's football has expanded considerably in the UK, but it is still largely ignored as a serious sport by the media most of the time (I think the BBC tries to score some women's issues brownie-points by covering it once in a while). I decided I wanted to score some of those brownie-points by writing reports for the local newspaper on the local women's team. A couple of times I'd taken myself down to the local recreation park where they played their matches on a Sunday afternoon, and watched from afar, so now I rang up the club secretary (Spike, who it turned out also tended to play the role of manager/coach on match days- he's the other male in this picture) and asked if they'd like me to write their press reports for them, and he said that would be very nice, thank you. Then I rang up the local newspaper, who told me their deadlines for submissions and said that, yes, they'd be very happy to have my contributions to their sports coverage.

It was the start of the soccer season, so I pretty much followed the team and its exploits throughout the season, sending in my submissions to the newspaper and generally only seeing my work printed when CAWAFC (C**** Athletic Women's Associated Football Club - name of my home town blanked out) won their matches.

On the first day, I introduced myself to Spike and basically stood on the touchline to take my notes about the progress of the match and make sure I'd be able to make it sound good.

After the matches, I was invited back to the clubhouse, where I was able to get interviews with star players and everything, before trundling home, sitting in front of my computer, and emailing off about 100-200 words to encapsulate the whole thing.

This meant that I was around the women in the team every other Sunday, and the occasional midweek evening kick-off match, too.

Eventually, they invited me to join in their after-match celebrations in the clubhouse bar, and that was when I felt I entered into the world that was theirs: dominated by them, their rules went, and I was the only man (the barman was male, but existed only to serve drinks). Spike was sometimes there, but it felt like he was definitely an outsider at these celebrations. He was an authority for the team when they were on the field and in the after-match team talks, but he was not a part of the group. Many of the 'women' were in their teens, the rest were early twenties. I was also in my early twenties, but Spike was sufficiently older than the players as to be excluded from their gang on age grounds. I wasn't old enough to be "out' on that basis, and so I was effectively the only man in the social setting.

It was quite an experience - I had reasonably good relationships with the women as players, from "interviewing" them and so on, but this was a very new situation.

The women put me under intense scrutiny the first time I was invited in, testing me to make sure that I could pass muster as "one of the girls" and, I think, that I wasn't going to bring any unwelcome male attitudes into their safe space. They were very confident of their territory, their ground and their right to govern this social space.

I remember very strongly being tested on various issues, they would challenge me by asking, "Don't you think..." such-and-such, usually issues that bothered them, and the one that sticks in my memory was of course the stereotype, "Don't you think all women footballers are lesbians, though?" I answered by saying that if I thought that then I'd also think that all male soccer stars were gay - and I put on my best 'camp' voice and did an impression of the gay footballer. Laughs all round. Test not yet passed, though. The team captain on the field challenged me further - "I'm lesbian, though!" And a few of the others chipped in, "Yeah, we're all lezzas!" And my reactions were, obviously, under scrutiny. I passed the test, I guess by not making any crass remarks to the tune of, "such a waste to mankind", or homophobic comments.

I think that particular episode also served to put down a very clear marker: whether the women were lesbian or not, I was not allowed to hit on any of them, I could not assume that any of them would be interested in me.

It felt like, "Check your male privilege at the door, you can collect it when you leave."

For the record, I didn't have a problem with that, and once I passed all the tests, I was cautiously welcomed as an equal as long as I always "checked my male privilege at the door". Friendships then developed and I had a good time with them.

I was never fully a part of the group, though: my reasons for being there were different from theirs. They were there to play their game as a team, and I (obviously) wasn't a part of that activity; I was there to observe and write up the games for the local paper. So I couldn't be a part of the team, but I was a tolerated, and eventually welcomed, guest of the group afterwards.

***

The other all-female environment was when I moved on to study 'A' levels (age 16-19 education, for those who don't know the UK system - an 'A' level normally takes 2 years to acquire). I elected to study theology, physics and mathematics. the latter two were the expected male-populated (see note on "female-populated" earlier for intended meaning) spaces (although the mathematics teachers were nearly all women at my school). Theology, however was a very different story.

Yours truly was the only male in sight. 6 students, of which I was the only boy. All the teachers in the first year of study were women.

In that space, I was an oddity - literally, the odd one out, and sometimes felt under scrutiny there just because of being different (I imagine a female engineering student got a much stronger reaction of the same type, in general). This group did not have the same aggressive, "check your privilege", "this is our space you're in now" attitude, because I was there when the group was formed out of all the people in my year group who wanted to study theology. Nevertheless, the group was defined much more by its female contingent than it was by its male contingent as we negotiated our common space. It meant that I had to adapt to them, more than them adapting to my male privilege. I think it helped that all of us were in the group because we liked arguing about philosophy, ethics and religion (this was no Christian indoctrination "theology" class, everything was put under scrutiny!) Everybody had common grounds for discourse, and none of us were shy about putting across our points of view, which meant that we were all able to demand (and obtain) the respect of our peers in the group - making us able to assert our equality. It was, however, different from being in groups of similarly confident people, where there were more than one male present, and to be honest I don't know why (we're talking about over a decade ago now). I'd certainly welcome thoughts from people on the matter.

You might be wondering if I include the teachers in this equality, and to some extent, I do. While the study was clearly steered and overseen by the teachers, they did not dictate the debates that took place, but played a part in them, only acting in an authority role when lesson time meant that the discussion had to be moved on to a new topic. It was probably my happiest learning experience while at school.

***

I think the common element in both experiences was that they were spaces where privilege temporarily did not exist (outside of the clubhouse bar, or the classroom, it tangibly sprang back into place, of course) and I was able for once to engage as an equal, and be perceived as an equal (as opposed to "a man"). In most situations, no matter how I might endeavour to treat women as individuals and as equals, because of the social backing, I cannot be perceived as being an equal. I have privilege because I am male and the patriarchy puts me in a privileged position. No matter how well I do at living up to principles of feminism, in the real world I am not an equal until the patriarchy crumbles.

Doing without privilege, even for just an hour or two, was challenging for someone who had always had it in some shape or form. However, it was also invigorating, and a more fulfilling experience. I am no fan of thrusting values of "you've got to get out and LIVE!" on people (like some extreme sports enthusiasts seem to do), but I think when it comes to genuine equality, I would like to make an exception. And besides, it's not an extreme sport to live with equality. It's just living without excessive padding.

Cross-posted at Feministe