How a Girl Learns to say No...

The "girl" in question is my ex, with whom I still have a very close and intimate relationship, and who is old enough to be my mother yet calls me "Daddy". When we were an "item", she was happy to call me Master, and I was happy to let her. Her name is "Julie". She has kindly given me permission to write about her in some detail here.

Now for the bit to give the RadFems paroxysms of joy: Julie has a history of mental illness - bipolar disorder, which has at times involved self-harm; she also has a history of abusive relationships and her personality can be described as "eager to please". So, all their pet theories about why women submit appear to be upheld by Julie's example!

Now it's time to blow that apparent support right out of the water!

When I first met Julie, she had low self-respect and poor self-image. She was, at that stage, still in an abusive relationship. She was the classic 'victim'.

Then she met me. I made it my business, as her Master, to make her into someone that she loved for herself. A person who valued herself, and thereby who acquired value, someone who was valuable, because she valued herself.

Now, time for a simple comparison. When I first met her, her need to please overrode every other impulse, and she set her own value as being lower than that of anyone else, and more specifically, lower than that of any man who showed an interest in her (yes, I include myself in that - but wait for the conclusion, please!)

Yesterday, she told me about her latest attempt to find herself a man of her own age to give her the BDSM loving that she needs.

She found the profile of a likely-looking man (she isn't shy about approaching men whom she thinks can give her what she wants!) and sent him a message on the site in question. She asked me if I thought he was a good match (I ask her when I think I've found a likely partner, too!). Alas, I was a poor judge of character from the profile, and he turned out to be abit of a jerk.

Many women, I think, will be familiar with the routine. She approached him, on a site devoted to alternative sexuality. His response was to ask her to perform for him on webcam. She told him this was not available, and he was, shall we say, a trifle rude in his response to that. Pause for a moment, dear reader, and contemplate what she might have done before her relationship with me...

Now that you've imagined that, let us look at what I taught her, what she learned by being my slave:

Her response was calm, collected, and polite. It was also to the effect of, "No, thank you. I deserve better." She stood on her own two feet to say that, she didn't need me or anyone else. She's a highly sexual being, and she certainly has a strong desire for a partner, but she is no longer the shrinking, insecure woman she was, who would let any jerk order her around.

I don't like to take credit for it, because she is the one who has done all this, she is the one who has moved from where she was to where she is. Nevertheless, she is kind enough to say that she appreciates that I gave her the ability to make that journey.

If feminism is about the ability to say "no", if it is about women being able to feel good about themselves, confident in their gender, the sexuality and their rights and their bodies, able to stand up for themselves and get what they want - well, I'll let my readers draw their own conclusions about whether my BDSM relationship was feminist or not!